I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
