Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize