It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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