That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She even gives head with a lisp.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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