The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
