I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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