Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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