Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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