I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
