who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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