pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
