White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
