I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
