And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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