Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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