When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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