some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
