1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
