maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
