If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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