U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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