the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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