My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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