I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
