Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
