He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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