can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can you bring me the toilet please
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
