look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
