they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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