have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
