where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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