And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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