Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
