I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
