Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
