I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
