I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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