I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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