If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
