Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize