dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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