Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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