apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
