I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
