the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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