Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
