just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I deserve this hangover.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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