Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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