I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
