I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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