He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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