Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
