You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
