It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
