Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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