At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
