I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
