I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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