my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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