I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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