Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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