just tell him i said nine months
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Found your dick twin last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
