Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
