the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
