the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
