Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
