i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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