I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
