There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
