Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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