remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
