god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
