i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize