it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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