the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
