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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
