hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
