Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
